Yesterday I was told to slow down because I finished doing six
spreadsheets in an hour.

I am having BRIDEX withdrawals. I used to be very very busy, database
to update every other minute, floor plan to change every other hour,
meetings from morning til afternoon, clients to see everyday, sales to
make every split second and the overwhelming stress to endure. It was
fulfilling and uplifting.

I miss that. I want that.

I am a nomad here. Moving from PC to PC with every absence, occupying
the emptiness of desks of those who met with MCs or vacations. My job
is short of the thrill I am used to. But I chose this. I wanted this
because the offer is tonnes and tonnes better even for a menial
position.

That satisfaction I crave that comes with stress will soon suffice.
Til then, I'll take advantage of this flexi hour to complete chores
and hopes I long have left to do something else.

I love that You are challenging me with this hardship now. I know that
one day I'll look back at these times and be thankful that despite all
the questions and remarks people have thrown at me, I never gave up
hope that better things are bound to appear.

If one day better things HAVE appeared, then I'll be happy that my
aspirations did happen and that I am indeed not the type of person who
just sits there doing nothing. All of those who has called me unstable
for taking so many risks with my life thus far, thank you. For
everything I am not has made me everything I am today.

Alhamdulillah for the rizq you've given to me, ya Allah. I know I am a
person of so many imperfections and fault, I deserve everything, and I
am thankful.

=)