First of all: Alhamdulillah... I feel so blessed right now and I thank Allah the Almighty for opening the doors of my rizq.

The beauty of patience.

At first there were a lot of things that I was going to say but I decided against it because I am past hurting anyone's feelings. I have spent the last 14 months trying to cleanse myself and stop my mind from being hurled by backlashes from parties that has no slight significance to myself. Come on, what century is this? More people are converting to Islam, why are you lashing your own people? Open up, give up and stop listening to whispers of shaitan. He's called the Devil for a reason OK. Why follow his footsteps?

Don't you see how those Muslims in Britain are seeking Islamic marriages for the same gender? Nauzubillah. These are small signs of end of days. Let us all pray for each other so that we get to enjoy Jannah and not rot in the agony of hell fire.

And don't even get me started on those who judge looks from aesthetics and not from the inside. Astaghfirullahalazim. We don't know what those other people are up to. What if they pray more times than us in a day? What if they read more pages of the Quran than we do? What if they seek forgiveness from their parents and for their parents to be forgiven in their prayers? Surely Allah sees those people as ones higher in standing than ourselves because all we do is judge and judging is a sin.

I am still normal if you meet me in person. I talk normally, I crack up jokes and I talk about stuff that don't make sense. So what if I make ablution and prostate before Allah? Doesn't make me scary. What it does make me is a person who is scared of death when it comes. I am a person with sin so death is what I fear the most. I am just trying to fit in my time for God so I am better prepared for when I die. I know I will have to pay for all those words I've said about people, all the gossips I've shared with others and all those bad thoughts I've thought about others. All those 14 months I've counted and TRIED not doing all these have come with a prize: I no longer care about the stares and the glares. If it takes that long to be in this state of nonchalance, I guess it'll take me a thousand more years to be pious. Alas, I am trying. I want to be staunch and I want my kids to be close to Allah. InsyAllah. If Allah wills, then He will guide me to the right path.

Right now I can say that Iblis still lingers because I do have bad thoughts and insecurities but that's inevitable. Just how we are strong and counter words and actions from people, that's just how we should be with Iblis. And just how those annoying people will disappear when we ignore them, that's just how we should treat Iblis. Ignore him. Ignore. Just stop it with the insecurities when you want to start something good. Like my boyfriend said, "Perkara baik ani jangan d tangguh2kan." So when the niat is there, accomplish it. Then cherish it by saying your thanks to Allah.

So Alhamdulillah. Since Friday up until today, life have been nothing but good to me. Alhamdulillah.

Friends, if you want to start something that you know will benefit you in the end, do it. Ignore your inner inhibitions that makes you feel that people are going to judge you. People WILL judge you but ignore them.

End of the day, the pahala is yours, not theirs.

Jazakallah syukran.