The things that make you tick.
And then think about what makes them so unbearable that you had to belt out curses, leers, sneers, smirks and bad thoughts.

Think: are they reasonable enough of a judgment that deserve to be deliberately thought of in such a way that makes you angry?

We as human beings tend to be dissatisfied by others' satisfaction; be it jealousy, feeling of unease, discomfort, emptiness or whatever you want to call it. A lot of us pass judgment on others because we desire the things that they have. One way to handle it is to be supportive, but a lot of us choose to do the other - by being mean and then trying to prove things that aren't supposed to be bad into reasons to be bickering about to begin with.

That's one of the many things that I realise upon stepping foot in Brunei. People here, instead of being supportive of each other and sharing the comfort of others' while they bathe in the deserving materials of their own desire, choose to hate.

Come on, what good will come out of this negativity? How are we ever going to live in harmony? So what if somebody else has what we don't, doesn't give us the rights to one-up ourselves and get something that isn't within our grasp. That's waste and waste is one the very thing that shaitan loves. A lot of people love waste. I have learnt that if I don't really need something urgently then I don't really deserve that thing. Sure, having something would be and actually is very very satisfying but waste, what is so satisfying about that? Think about all of the money we could save if we so ever listen to our better voices to not do something. Surely the outcome'll be good no?

I don't get why people would leer at me for mixing up my cheap apparels. I like the way I look and the best thing about being a person is when you're satisfied of yourself by being yourself. Allah loves that. Allah loves it when you're grateful of what you have. He hates it when you get something that isn't within what you can afford. I know I'm preaching but what isn't right about that? Listen to the better voice in your head.

Sure, I used to spend on a lot of things even when I don't really need them and they'd end up being rotten in the pits of all the things that I already have. I guess now I'm paying for it with guilt. What if I'd saved all that money? What are the things that I could afford to get now? I'm sure I'll be able to pay for those shoes, and that handbag, and those pants, and rings and necklaces. It's disgusting how I wasn't really thinking about what might happen when I don't have money to afford things and the worst thing is when I've gone through being broke til I couldn't even afford food, that was the worst way how a person's dignity can be surrendered. All because money was lost from spending on so many things that I don't even deserve in the first place. Why? Because I wanted to look good? Because other people had it?

Ugh.

But alhamdulillah, being friends with people from different backgrounds had surely opened up my eyes and now I can clearly see that brands and three digit dollars do not make you attractive. Now I get things that I can immediately afford and I am a walking proof that getting things I can afford stresses me less and I'm a much happier person. I don't need those expensive thingamajigs to make me feel good about myself. In fact, what it does is make me unhappy because I'd always end up having no money!

That was years ago though, I used to hang around pretentious people who thought I was just like them just because they knew what my background was. Now I avoid those people altogether just so that I'd feel less of a jerk around them not because I'm a prick but because I loath conversations that revolve around temporary material things. What the hell does it matter if what you have between your legs cost you hundreds of dollars? and who gave you the rights to judge me if what I wear are collectively a hundred dollars?

Humans, never satisfied and always having that drive to be more costly than other people. Think of things in the long run people. Yeah ok, some of you might say I'm too backwards and too serious, I need to live more because we're only young once. That's so true. But lets compare ourselves in 10 years and the bills that we had to pay and able to while we're at it.

I have lived in phases where families shatter and come back because of money. Even in my own family, sometimes we had to scrape for food. I was lucky enough to be on scholarship for the past years to be able to afford to pay for things but truthfully, days when I don't have anything to put in my mouth are more than you can even imagine.

So people, if you think that your leers would show me that you hate me coz you don't like what I have on my body, don't worry, they're something you can easily afford. I'm just confident enough to prance around in them because I'm always proud of the things that I can afford with my own blood, sweat and tears =) Please, next time you see me in something you want but don't know where to get - ask. Don't stare at me like I have boils all over my face. Not cool. What if I stare back and make you uncomfortable? What would be your reason if I asked you what your problem is?

So please, please, everyone, when you think about the things that make you tick, think first why that thing makes you tick so much? Why are you so angry? If the reason is unreasonable and invalid, well, why not just put a smile back on your face after you say your istighfar? You'll see how good it feels to be close to the one creator, insyAllah.

If you try hard enough, in the end the fruit of your loom will be worthy enough to be showed of and told stories to others to. Trust me.

Allah sends astray whom He wills and He guides on the Straight Path whom He wills. [Al-Anaam 6:39]